You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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