is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
