I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
