When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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