Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
