My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life