i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis