Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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