Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.