don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
