My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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