Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
