i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize