just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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