Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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