watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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