come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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