My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize