Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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