She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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