ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
