I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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