I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
