Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
