How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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