Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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