thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
