why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
