finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
