I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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