Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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