Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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