And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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