You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
As shirtless as possible
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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