i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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