if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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