Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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