Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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