take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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