Acid is not a monday night drug
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
