it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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