One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
