Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nutella sex= disaster
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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