I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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