why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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