whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
