my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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