after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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