Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
