Your tits are I can't wait for
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
