From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
