It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
