your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
