I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
