what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
