I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
