just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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