Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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