At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Welp...herpes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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