So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
