How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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