Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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