when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
