i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
