Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
