You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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