Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
