margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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