No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
