I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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