I didn't shave. On purpose
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
