She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
