you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
